I've. recently read that dementia isn't technically a disease (it's a "syndrome")and that confused and surprised me because my mother has it. I've watched the changes in her and they have occurred faster than I believed possible. It's painful and sad to see the fear and confusion on her eyes and it's painful for me to be losing one of my best friends. Anybody who knows me knows I have a close relationship with my mom. Even as a small child, I always worried about my mom. My parents divorced when my sister and I were young and I didn't always approve of the men my mom dated, but she eventually remarried and although I wasn't thrilled with her choice for husband #2 they remain married to this day (40+ years later). They love each other and I eventually came to respect his devotion to her.
As I became an adult our relationship changed, she was still my mom but also my friend. We shared secrets, we had breakfast almost every weekend at Doug's Place in Castro Valley when I was a young adult and I saw her at least once a week. We remained close when I relocated to Phoenix for work and she was a frequent visitor. She started showing signs of confusion over a year ago. She always told me it was the medications she was on for her other health problems and that made sense to me. But as the confusion and loss of memory progressed it became clear something else was going on. She started doing things that didn't make sense, like putting the TV remote control on the phone charger. She always would laugh and play it off and say she was just tired.
Her husband has been in long term care for almost 2 years now and I've been her caregiver. Her physical & mental health has been rapidly declining, especially during the last month. I had a difficult choice to make, to put my life in a storage unit and quit working (which I have always done and enjoyed) but it had to be done. I believed she would improve having companionship and more care during the day but I was wrong. Her health continued to decline.
Dementia is a very generic term in my opinion but a very cruel condition. What it does to people varies, but what it's done to my mother has been hard to watch. She does not want to go into a long term care facility - in fact she refuses. She's been in and out of the hospital more times that I can count in the last year. She's at the point now where her last trip to the hospital a difficult choice had to be made since she was refusing long term care facilities once again - she's now home with hospice help and my care.
I'm still caring for her full time, but now I have a whole team of people helping me keep her comfortable and clean. The point of this posting is to tell you how quickly this condition can progress and change your loved one. While I feel extremely lucky to still have both my mother and father alive, I can't help but feeling that I've lost my mother already because the mom I knew is no longer here and I miss her.
Many of my friends from high school have had parents with dementia and Alzheimer's pass away - there are no cures for either disease or syndrome. With research perhaps progress can be made towards finding out more about these two closely tied illnesses and prevention could be an eventuality. There are many organizations that help patients and families of dementia and Alzheimer's and if we all supported them with a small donation it would go a long way towards the answers that are badly needed.
http://www.alzheimersresearchfoundation.com/
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| Courtesy of Sherri's Facebook Page - loved the photo |
Tomorrow I am attending the funeral service for a man I've known since Jr. High School - he was one of the kindest people I've had the pleasure of knowing. He had 4 daughters and a big Italian family (can you imagine) and he will be greatly missed by many. He lost the battle with this disease. Mr. Dietrich Tasto was a self made business owner who ran a successful glass company with his wife Carol and his daughter's Judi and Coreen. He was a savvy businessman but more importantly he was a kind soul who people liked. There are many organizations out there that conduct research into the cause of Alzheimer's and dementia, but here is one that seems to do it all:
http://www.alzheimersresearchfoundation.com/
On their site, there is a tab where you can make a donation should you wish to help find answers towards a cure. Perhaps you have a loved one who has suffered from one of these similar diseases and want to do something. Together we can make a difference.
I am still looking for answers as to why my own mother's dementia is progressing so rapidly - I've gotten answers that vary but basically the prognosis is not great. I'm trying to come to grips with this but it's not easy watching somebody deteriorate before your eyes. I don't want this to be a depressing post - I also wanted to honor "Mr. T" , who did so much for all of his children and their friends. He generously sponsored and was involved with our softball leagues for many years. Many of my best memories were playing softball and hanging out at the Tasto house, where you could ALWAYS find a big fresh roll of salami, French bread and mayo.
If you would like more information on recognizing the signs of dementia or Alzheimer's, please email me. I have a guide saved on my computer and I'd be happy to share it with you. Knowledge is power.
